Happy Scents

Filipino families are close-knit who want to stay together especially in the Philippines. The only time a son or a daughter leaves home is when they are getting married. But sometimes due to unavoidable circumstances, they stay in the family home. However, in America, the value of independence and individualism are highly regarded. As soon as a student can earn on their own and stand on their own feet, they are free to do so. Well, I was such a late bloomer around 29 when I decided I want to be on my own. Don’t ask how old I am now? It was not a hard decision because I had my cousin as my roommate but asking permission to my mom. It was another story. Considering I was the only single daughter, my siblings were married at that time. My mom slowly let go so I could learn a lot of things. I am grateful that she let me spread my wings no matter how difficult it was in my culture. It was a classic example of the fusion of Filipino and American culture and power of assimilation.

Well, we have to have a checklist first in order to asses if you are ready.

1. Steady income job- of course, to pay rent, utilities, and bills
2. A car- accessibility to work, groceries, medical appointments, and social life
3. No car-no problem just accessibility to public transportation like downtown
4. Doing household chores (cleaning is a must unless you can hire a cleaning lady)
5. Ability to cook and make food (you will get tired of fast food and delivery trust me!) It saves you a lot of dough as well.
6. Emotional growth (enjoy your own company)
7. Actively participate in looking for the apartment (neighborhood, landlady/landlord, demographics, and parking)

The excitement of looking for an apartment, searching for furniture, buying kitchen tools and equipment and many more. My favorite was accepting appliances from relatives ( just being practical). It turned out I will stay with my roommate just for a year. Things did not work for both of us. I, my mom and my sister looked for another apartment.

Moving was exhausting and my least favorite thing to do. I rented movers to make things a little easier because I bought heavy furniture (mahogany) which by the way were a major disadvantage when you are renting compared to having your own home. My couch was a little oversize and needed good maneuvering to fit my apartment. My uncle and male cousins helped me set up everything at my apartment because you pay movers every hour (even 1/2 hr it is considered a full hour). It seemed I had no permanent address by moving yearly but it was such a sweet freedom. I rented one bedroom apartment in the basement at Chicago. My landlady was my mother’s friend. She was very nice. I was pretty ecstatic because I could design and decorate. I could rearrange the appliances and make my own rules (pretty sweet).

I will list the advantages and disadvantages of living on your own:

The advantages are the following:

• You make your own rules and you can break it anytime.
• You can leave dishes at night and wash them the following day (once a week).
• Schedule your cleaning on your most convenient time.
• You can wear anything you want all throughout the day (you are alone!).
• You can sleep so many hours in your day-off because no one will bother you.
• You can have time to breathe, regroup, meditate, and exercise (repeat).
• You can dance and do silly things because no one’s watching.
• You can have movie time every night (no budget for cable or cut any expenses).
• You can put your things anywhere and find it on the same spot you left it off.
• You can find things easier because you are the one who organizes them.
• You can stack all the things you need (just don’t be a hoarder!).
• You can accept visitors and let them stay overnight (be safe).
• You will learn how to protect yourself (have steel steering wheel lock for a break-in and pepper spray to go)
• You can do whatever you want in the middle of the night (do your nails, listen to music, read books and etc.)
• You can play musical instruments during your leisure time.
• You can own a pet especially if your landlady allowed you (I want one!).
• Ability to scream and let yourself have an emotional breakdown when you need it (no judgments).
• If you are a student, more time to focus and study.
• You have a peace of mind.

The disadvantages are the following:

• You will miss the kisses, laughs, and hugs of little children (my nephews or future kids I wish?!).
• You will miss someone to talk to or have a one-on-one interaction.
• You will miss watching regular TV (cable)
• No one’s helping with the bills (you are on your own better work hard but if you have some help you are blessed!)
• No one’s helping with heavy groceries and bags (carry them all like weights).
• No one’s helping with parking (parallel and street parking).
• Even when you are tired and come home late, you still have to cook (miss mama).
• The chores piled up and sometimes took up your entire day to finish (suffer the consequences!)
• No one takes care of you when your sick ( sorry boo bring your ___ up!)

Whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, it’s up to you how to live your own life. You are the pilot and the captain. You can steer it in the direction that you want. You can be on your own or be with your family. For me, I am just grateful I can visit my mother and nephews at my sister’s house. At the end of a day or two, I can go home in the silence of my apartment. Having a place of your own is a big responsibility and a learning experience for me. No matter what happens I will never give up my independence and freedom.

What are your struggles with living on your own?

“I LIKE BEING A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN, AND TO BE HONEST, I WAS NEVER AFRAID TO BE ON MY OWN.”-Dido Armstrong