Happy Scents

I started to see the man I used to date March of last year. Nothing serious because I was lonely from the recent break up of my long distance relationship and to avoid married men asking me out at work. He wanted to get a hold of me through my best friend even way before but I dismissed all the notion because I was in a relationship with another man. When my previous relationship ended, I figured one meeting will not hurt since we are both single. It led to another day and more days together because we are physically attracted to each other, and we couldn’t deny our undeniable chemistry. We enjoy each other’s company and learn from different cultures and perspectives. I’m an Asian American with Filipino ethnicity, and he is Black American and so the start of interracial relationship.

The pandemic Coronavirus began as early as March 2020 causing lockdown and more time spend together indoors. Civil unrest started too from the death of George Floyd and viral video on how he was murdered by the cops. It wasn’t an ideal time to carry a baby in a womb because of health, safety and social risks.

Initially I thought I contracted the virus and will go to drive-in Dupage covid testing site. I had a backache, get tired easily with minimum activity and stomach cramps consistent with some of symptoms such as muscle weakness and etc. Before going to the testing site, I figured I will take a pregnancy test due to a “gut feel”. First time I had a positive pregnancy test and my life turned upside down. I was in denial and called my best friend, Tina. She said, “get a pregnancy test early in the morning tomorrow since HCG hormone is high in the morning.” The result was positive again and again with civil unrest, covid-19, and stress at work. I was freaking out, “Why now?” I retested three weeks after and still the same result.

How would I tell my boyfriend, my mom, sister and my brother? I told my boyfriend the next day through the phone because he couldn’t wait to meet in person. Hoping he will shed some light into how I feel, but he is shocked as well and wasn’t ready thinking of his son. We argued and fought over it. I had to assess a lot of things so I blocked him through social media and phone because I was in a lot of stress.

What did I do last month? Am I drinking liquor, taking pills, and what am I eating? When was my last period? It was an unplanned pregnancy so I’m lost. I probably have been drinking liquor and taking lithium carbonate for my bipolar disorder so I called my OB but she was fully booked so I have to find OB-Gyne affiliated with my insurance right away. I discontinued taking my prescribed medications (anxiety pill and maintenance) as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had my first appointment in eight weeks with the Elmhurst group of OB doctors. I scheduled for an appointment with my psychiatrist as well and opt not to take lithium carbonate or alternative medication given that I have proper mental state.

I started telling my immediate family but I cried a ton of river to muster courage and strength to tell them. I don’t know how they will react. I’m pregnant out of wedlock and not sure if the baby daddy will take responsibility but one thing for sure this is my baby and I will take care of my child with every ounce of me. My brother was the first to know and he thought of me and the baby right away stating, “Do not worry too much my sister your life and baby’s life are at risk!” I was relieved for a moment. My mom reactions about stigma and shame that comes with baby without marriage, her disappointments but sets her anxieties aside and took care of me. The arguments and fights between me and my sister because she was the last to know because she was brutally frank. Out of my family, I was scared of my sister because I knew her. Even though she was an OB nurse, I decided to take matters into my hands and find another provider before telling everybody. Woman mature easily faced with such enormous predicament, take ownership and be responsible. We sort our family disagreements and faced this together as any loving family would.

Before my first OB appointment, my brother contracted the coronavirus together with his wife, Rheya, and the youngest son, Zion. My brother was in the Emergency Room (ER) of Makati Medical Center in the Philippines. He was hospitalized for more than a week due to life threatening symptoms. My mom, sister and I were worried sick that we weren’t sleeping updating on his condition and making sure my brother and his family were taken care of. The only thing that strengthened us amidst distance was God’s merciful love and healing and the hope of new life in me. I sent the first ultrasound picture of a mustard seed to my brother and a message that his niece/nephew was looking forward to meet and love him.

I messaged my baby daddy too about the first proof of life in me and opened communication with him. I figured I long for father’s love for a long time since my dad passed away when I was eighteen. I will fight for my child’s birth right to know him and to be acknowledged as his child. We worked on our relationship and we were inseparable ever since the first ultrasound. He fought for us, stick by my side, took care of me, and worked on culture clashes and differences for the sake of the baby.

First trimester pregnancy sickness was dizziness, extreme exhaustion and headache. Shoutout to my co-workers in Amazon for taking care of me throughout the pregnancy. I was not vomiting/nauseous throughout the pregnancy which gave me a sense of comfort. I was eating my cravings as well such as different fried chicken, Italian beef, gyro and pizza from Southside restaurants my boyfriend introduced me into. I love Filipino foods especially smoked fish. I avoided raw food and seafood high with mercury. However there were a lot of test involved because I was 35 which means AMA (advance maternal age) good thing I didn’t reach geriatric age in pregnancy. Do not wait until you are old to get pregnant. I failed my 1-hr glucose test so I did 3-hr glucose testing to rule out gestational diabetes. Thankfully the 3-hr glucose results were within normal limits (WNL). I had a 24-hr urine test to check the protein in my urine and to set a baseline in order to rule out preeclampsia. My blood pressure was elevated in my first appointment because my brother had covid that time.

Second trimester, I regained my energy and pregnancy became easy and wonderful experience. My boyfriend, co-workers, cousins and friends were telling me about pregnancy glow. I was grateful for the compliments and valued moms’ advices (relatives and co-workers) and shrugged my shoulders from those who gave unsolicited advices. I was prescribed with low dose Aspirin because I was high risk. Monitoring my blood pressure daily and submitting lists every week on portal/ or next dr. appt. Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) did genetic testing (no down syndrome) and did most of my ultrasounds to check the development of baby’s organs. I checked baby’s heart rate through borrowed cousin’s doppler. My baby bump was showing when I was six months and they were telling me, “You are all baby!’ The virtual gender reveal/baby shower happened with family, relatives and close friends. We were so happy that I and Arthur were expecting a baby girl! The first girl in my family side.

Third trimester, my pregnancy sickness was right leg weakness, leg cramps, heartburn and headaches. I worked in fulfillment center until the end of pregnancy and had covid testing every 2-3 weeks (always negative thank God!) I gained 25-28 pounds so I felt so heavy. I was uncomfortable with my big baby bump standing and walking for long hours at work. Sleeping could be too much or too little because of bed positioning. Some days, I could not walk because my right leg and knee could not stand on weight bearing especially after four days of working. They repeated my glucose testing again. I failed 1-hr but passed my 3-hr glucose test. I have all required immunization done at this point such as TDap vaccine. I was entitled to take my maternity leave (Amazon) at 35 weeks but apparently one of my OB doctors, Dr. Julie Kim, refused to grant my request (verbally, formal letter and weekly follow-up) even though there was pandemic. She signed my FMLA at 38 weeks. I would not recommend her because she was the source of my stress the last few weeks of pregnancy and I dreaded doctor’s visit with her. I like Amazon benefits because they granted my 35 week request with pay and waited for the FMLA form.

Due to multiple hospital visits when I slipped on ice and elevated BP, I and Arthur were anticipating induction. On my 38 weeks dr. appt, I got sent again to Family Birthing Center but I refused because I don’t want to be sent home again. I just did the PCR ratio, urine/blood test, stress test and 1-hr BP monitoring a week ago (everything were normal and was sent home). Dr. Zuckerman was influenced by Dr. Kim that even though my BP was low at doctor’s visit kept insisting I go to the Family Birthing Center. I was confident to go home and skipped being in the hospital because I knew my body and my sister is an OB nurse who helped me throughout the pregnancy. The doctor’s office has been calling me and marking me as non-compliant.

Birthing Story

I finally called them back (doctor’s office) the third day after my last doctor office visit per Arthur’s instructions because I was so stressed of their calls that I was having elevated BP and headaches the day before. They sent me to Family Birthing Center as soon as I called. Arthur took the day off and accompanied me because he thinks they will push through with induction that day. All my hospital and baby bag were in the trunk of my car. I even brought a pillow for Arthur. He was the one who wasn’t ready with his clothes. We went to Triage of labor and delivery at noon of March 18th. My BP was elevated and high for an hour of monitoring even though urine/blood tests were normal. The on-call doctor, Dr. Ghia, decided to admit me and start the induction process. I asked questions, signed papers, got covid swab test (result negative) and waited because they were cleaning the room and got admitted at 4 pm. They put an IV with fluid and antibiotics every 4 hours because I was positive in the Group B strep test.

They gave me cytotec for cervical ripening. I was 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced my last dr. visit and didn’t progress when I got admitted. I opted for IV pain meds when pain was unbearable per my sister’s instruction, “Do not take epidural too soon and too late because you will be bedbound.” I was on clear fluids only. I need to go to the washroom every 10-15 mins and detach myself from FHR (fetal heart rate) and BP cuff monitor. Arthur helped me from time to time. I have to bring the whole IV machine with me every time I go to the washroom. I can only take apple juice, jello, and water the entire labor and delivery. I feel contractions at 8 pm but pain comes and goes. They gave me another dose of cytotec. I felt so uncomfortable at midnight so I asked for pain meds. They gave me a shot on my right leg and I fell asleep.

We woke up at 8 am the next day, March 19th. The nurses did an IE (internal examination). I got stuck at 2 cm. Arthur bought food and was teasing me. I told him to quit teasing me in every meal since I can’t eat. Arthur went out to get our bags in the car and buy some clothes for him in Walmart. Dr. Ghia did IE again at noon 2 ½ cm and that hurt and then she said if my water bag will not break. They will break it but you will deliver the baby tonight. Updating my family and friends through texts and calls that the baby doesn’t want to come out. After more cytotec, my contraction was getting intense so at 1 pm, I asked for another pain med and they gave me IV Fentanyl. I got so dizzy and was knocked out.

It was getting so uncomfortable especially with nurses doing IE every 4-5 hrs to check if my dilation progresses. Nothing alleviated pain even Arthur was comforting me, I was getting more irritated. At 4 pm, 24 hours have passed and contractions are getting worse. They almost finished 8 doses of cytotec but it wasn’t working. They switched me up to Pitocin and gradually increased it per change of on call doctor, Dr. Page and was 3 cm dilated. The consolation that gave I and Arthur that Dr. Cynthia Page will deliver our baby and not Dr. Kim. It was an answered prayer. I was wondering how can I speed up my dilation process and get it over with. Why am I getting stuck to 2 and 3 cm for long hours? I decided to get epidural at around 5 pm because I was in a lot of pain and weak with exhaustion.

They moved I and Arthur in a different room where they will perform epidural, labor and the baby warmer was there. The anesthesiologist did the epidural and I was numbed from the waist down. I can’t even move my legs so I have to stay curled up with pillows in bed . They put a foley catheter and finally my water bag broke and gush of amniotic fluid. I didn’t feel that I’m all wet and leaking with fluid, that’s how numb my legs are. I kept telling my nurse, her name is Christina, that I just want the baby to come out. By 8 pm, I was 4 cm dilated and I wasn’t even halfway through 10 cm. I was very anxious and energy depleted with no food except clear liquids for more than 28 hrs of labor. Praying unceasingly for our safety. I took a nap for a short period of time and even though I had epidural, I felt sharp pain. Around 11:15 pm, they did IE to check my progress, I was like not again. I hate internal examination because it hurts. Another nurse came in to double check because Christina couldn’t feel my cervix because it turned out that from 4 cm, it jumped up to 10 cm. I was fully dilated and effaced. I felt a burning sensation because the baby’s head was engaged and crowning.

My nurse told me to take my mask off while pushing and I commend her for being my advocate against covid protocols. Dr. Cynthia Page came and told Arthur to hold my left leg so I can push more and bear down and after approximately half an hour of pushing, baby Ava came out. I was shivering. finally after 33 hrs. of labor comes 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 in baby girl. Arthur cut the umbilical cord. Ava was put on my chest for a brief moment for skin to skin. It felt so surreal, that a life came out of me and I could call her my own flesh and blood.

Dr. Page instructed me to push and bear down with the placenta. I could see so much blood and blood clots coming out of me in the reflection on the ceiling. She stitched me up because I had a second degree laceration. The nurses clean and wipe the baby and put her in the warmer. Arthur was with the baby. I heard them computing the blood loss at 1100 cc. They kept pressing on my fundus to stop the bleeding (so painful). The realization that my life is on the line and being a mother is a great sacrifice. I was very vulnerable and thought I will pass out in the end, but nurses encouraged me, kept me safe and told me that I have no control, but I will soon recover.

I thank all the healthcare professionals for taking care of me and my baby but most of all, Jesus for giving me the opportunity to experience life’s greatest miracle from a mustard seed, embryo, fetus and baby ready to take on the world. I love you my Ava and the journey of motherhood begins.